Of farms & feelings!
If you are born in the 90s while Windows 98 was making its way into our study rooms it is not surprising, to take comfort in virtual reality. I was living an alternate reality with smurfs, waking up right in time to earn bounty from the fertile patches at smurf village, harvesting for a livelihood and building mushrooms for sheltering my growing village, it was productive, channeling my inner country girl. Video games were one of my addictions because... easy dopamine.
At these times, I remember a lot of people asking me what I did on my off, if I had made new friends(not the right question for an introvert) why I didn't socialize more. All this made me homesick. Instead I had delved into music, I somehow fought the inner demons of my shyness to take the courage to eat out, step out for an event where I only knew the host, not to make 'friends' but just observe(and definitely creeped out few others). My first friend was a 70 year old uncle who spoke a lot about his grandchildren, discussing business with retired Colonels with whom my cheekiness was put to test while we would debate lest I was being disrespectful. I recall one of the many advises from my mentor "No Shyan, you can't be two different people, one at work, and one in person, it doesn't work like that" It took me months to fathom the depth of that seemingly simple statement. I learnt how to incorporate the service orientation of my profession into my personal life. It felt harmonious. Listening to young, old, married, colleagues, customers, vendors, juniors, mentors. Ironically, I was then called to conduct a leadership workshop for young leaders. It almost came full circle, to sum up all the past precedents and discuss it with strangers. It felt empowering.
Emotional Management was a 24x7 job, especially when you're interacting with so many people. Patience, tolerance, putting filters on verbal/virtual communication without losing your intention, being emotionally detached, professionally engaged, understanding the dynamics of teamwork, the vulnerability and pitfalls of leadership, learning to work without another's validation, learning to enjoy leadership to only know that you're only as much in control of your team, as much as you're in control of yourself. All this while my blueberry farms were rotten, much to the dismay of Papa Smurf. Sigh!
One of the Fertile Pastures of Smurf Land
Then I had set out a journey for my career, and there was no looking back(except when I was trapped with an insect) It wasn't as if I had lived under a rock, but when you've lived long enough with your folks, you're never really exposed to any struggle. I'm glad I had to face my own "struggles". It gives you gratitude. Alleviating your menial troubles. The lack of personal interactions on the personal front were compensated by the interactions I had at work, on an average of 10-15 new faces everyday at work(not uncommon when you're in retail). Becoming more connected with my friends that were now long distance friendships, standing the test of time. After a long day, symphonies and mostly soup, were comforting. Learnt how not to be too hard on oneself. I enjoyed the folly of making mistakes and ruminating on it till it would become a precedent.
So let me put this in my best exaggeration, I was thrown at the feet of solitude, with the mounting pressures of the retail world, handling impossible yet intimidating customers, losing my voice, then getting it back, facing unions, learning with co-workers, sometimes feeling loss of control, being at the edge of quarter life crisis, apprehensions, self doubt, alienation.
So let me put this in my best exaggeration, I was thrown at the feet of solitude, with the mounting pressures of the retail world, handling impossible yet intimidating customers, losing my voice, then getting it back, facing unions, learning with co-workers, sometimes feeling loss of control, being at the edge of quarter life crisis, apprehensions, self doubt, alienation.
At these times, I remember a lot of people asking me what I did on my off, if I had made new friends(not the right question for an introvert) why I didn't socialize more. All this made me homesick. Instead I had delved into music, I somehow fought the inner demons of my shyness to take the courage to eat out, step out for an event where I only knew the host, not to make 'friends' but just observe(and definitely creeped out few others). My first friend was a 70 year old uncle who spoke a lot about his grandchildren, discussing business with retired Colonels with whom my cheekiness was put to test while we would debate lest I was being disrespectful. I recall one of the many advises from my mentor "No Shyan, you can't be two different people, one at work, and one in person, it doesn't work like that" It took me months to fathom the depth of that seemingly simple statement. I learnt how to incorporate the service orientation of my profession into my personal life. It felt harmonious. Listening to young, old, married, colleagues, customers, vendors, juniors, mentors. Ironically, I was then called to conduct a leadership workshop for young leaders. It almost came full circle, to sum up all the past precedents and discuss it with strangers. It felt empowering.
Emotional Management was a 24x7 job, especially when you're interacting with so many people. Patience, tolerance, putting filters on verbal/virtual communication without losing your intention, being emotionally detached, professionally engaged, understanding the dynamics of teamwork, the vulnerability and pitfalls of leadership, learning to work without another's validation, learning to enjoy leadership to only know that you're only as much in control of your team, as much as you're in control of yourself. All this while my blueberry farms were rotten, much to the dismay of Papa Smurf. Sigh!
Comments
Post a Comment